Here, There and Everywhere 🗺️
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Hello!
I find myself in the in-between a lot. I don’t mind it. It’s never been something that has made me feel isolated or lonely. It’s just an observation of the fact that sometimes when you choose the things you want for yourself, you’re forced to let go of another part of yourself. Let me explain what I mean a little more: I’m not British, but anytime I read anything about London, I feel at home. It must be a result of the formative years and everything I went through there that made 6 years feel like a lifetime. Every friend who quickly turned into family because blood was the one convenience I lacked in an otherwise beautiful city of abundance. I’m Italian, but I’m not. My name, features, and history are Italian but my accent and poor grammar show I’m not from here. People can place the exact region of Italy where my roots lie just by seeing the color of my eyes and shade of olive in my skin, but they can’t place me as soon as I speak. I’m American, but I’m not American. People ask me questions about America that a native would be able to respond to as though the answers were written on the backs of their hands. What are gas prices? What do you pay for a glass of wine? What are rent prices like? I don’t have the answers to any of those questions because I left when I was still just a kid. There, I’ve always been the Italian. Here, I never will be. Again, I am OK with this. This is a very privileged life I’m living and it in no way makes me sad. Apart form once where I do remember I was in my hometown, 2 miles from the hospital where I was born, smelling some perfume samples and the salesperson asked if it was scary being so far away from home. When I asked her what she meant and she said, “well Australia is just so far away,” and I cried. Not that there’s anything wrong or rude or weird about what she said, but I just felt so alone in that moment. And I had been so homesick and longed to feel like someone who wasn’t “a foreigner”. And I was probably about to start my period.
I think people think I’m being a little over-the-top and in my own “fantasy world” at times because of the way I choose to live my life. But honestly, this world really doesn’t feel like it’s anything other than a place for me to explore sometimes. I don’t feel too heavy about where I’m placed or where I am because whether I’m sitting in my parents’ home in Memphis or in an apartment overlooking the Seine, I feel that my mind automatically searches for these little moments to take pictures of. I’ve always always always been that way. It’s nothing new to me, so it never feels isolating. The only time it feels isolating is when I’m so criticized for it. People criticize me a lot and say that I need to get with the program and come back to planet Earth. I’m looking at the program, I’m just probably doodling on it. I’m on planet Earth, I’ve just decided I can live on it differently. This is my reality. I think the whole point of this is: sometimes the world doesn’t boost you up or help you find your footing. Sometimes it can do the opposite. It can knock you down without offering you its hand. But, we have to remind ourselves that we make certain choices to better our lives or to be true to ourselves and the things we want and need in our lives, and sometimes there are consequences for that. One of mine being that I will never again know the traditional meaning of home. I messed that up when I moved away 9 years ago. In a world where people want things to make perfect, linear sense, you do not always have to make sense. You can do things because you know they will either better your life or bring you joy (and sometimes the two of those things aren’t mutually exclusive).
I wrote something in the caption of one of my Instagram reels this week that I got inspired by from the show Tiny Beautiful Things. There was a scene where a man wrote into the column and asked Sugar for advice. He said he didn’t know whether or not he should have kids. He was waiting for a moment to feel ready, but didn’t want to give up parts of his life. She then goes on to talk about the concept of sister lives. Here’s what I wrote in my Instagram caption inspired by that scene: “I heard about something recently called sister lives. It basically talks about the concept that each life that you live has a sister life. A life that you could’ve lived parallel to the one that you’re currently living. You will never truly know what would have gone down in your sister life, but if you weren’t in the place you are now, you would’ve been in the same boat and left wondering. Follow the pull towards what feel right for you. Open yourself up to start listening to what’s meant for you. Make the most of every situation. Don’t live with any regrets even if you feel regretful of decisions or situations. We are all just doing our very best and trying our hardest to figure it out. Make your sister life proud. Allow her to look onto your life in awe and think that you’re doing such a great job.”
No matter what you choose in your life, you will give up another thing. Mine happens to be a home. Yours could be your sleep or your marriage or your comfortable life or whatever it may be. But just know that you will never ever do the things you truly want to do if you feel worried about what you will miss out on. You will always be missing out on something no matter what decisions you make. So you might as well make the ones that feel good to you. I’m from nowhere. I’m from everywhere. I feel misunderstood by most of the people in my life, even the ones closest to me. But I can’t help but feel like that feeling is a lot better than the feeling of regretting not taking the chance when I had it. I will never say, “I wish I gave up everything and moved to Europe when I was 18 and lived there.” Because I did. I might not be able to say I understand the feeling of being from someplace. But who needs that when you create your home in all the little places you’ve been.
The Fashion Part
I have always loved a good thrift shop. Most of my clothes consist of thrifted buys, with occasional pieces that I bought from brands or stores that aren’t second-hand but that I plan to keep forever. I’ve always thrifted because it’s really accessible to do it and do it well in America, and it was the same in the UK when I lived there. The fashion part this week is going to be about how you should thrift your seasonal, transitional clothing this year as opposed to buying them new (if you feel like you even need to buy anything for the new season. If not - that’s even better). Here’s a thrift video that I loved recently about going to second hand shops that might look a little overwhelming and finding gems in them:
I feel like there is a magic about a thrift store. As soon as you walk in, a cloud of all your hopes and dreams is cast in and around the thrift store. This cloud lets off a perfume that notifies all of the clothes that are in need of a new home, and that you would love, to let themselves be known. You’re then automatically pulled towards the items that you need in your wardrobe. I know it happens to me almost every single time I walk into one. So here’s the challenge - let’s thrift our seasonal transitional clothing choices because honestly it’s the most fun, it’s much cheaper, and it’s way better for the environment. 💋
The Music Part
I know I’ve talked about this singer on here before as she was a guest on Norah Jones’ podcast Norah Jones is Playing Along, but now it’s time I mention her music because it is some of my favorite music in the whole wide world. Valerie June came into my life during what was such a formative, important time. I was writing songs every second of every day and really getting involved in the Memphis music scene. Someone mentioned a folk singer in Memphis who was on the rise named Valerie June. They talked about her strange, whimsical vocals, incredible lyrics and striking features. They always said she sounded like Memphis’ music from the past and people weren’t so sure about her at first because she has this voice almost like a storybook character. It’s soft, yet larger than life. It’s emotive, yet you can tell she tells you only what she wants to tell you through each and every word sung. She yodels and croaks and trills and it is one of the most beautiful voices I’ve ever heard.
I popped in her first album Pushin’ Against A Stone and my life was forever changed. Then my sister’s life was changed. Then my friend Allie’s life was changed. Because it was all we could listen to. She put us under her spell and became one of the most important musicians in our lives. I felt blessed to be walking the same Memphis streets as her because everything about her almost seemed as though she was brought to the Earth to write about music and embody the true essence of what songwriting is. I’m not even over exaggerating. There’s something in her that holds this timelessness of Folk music. She gets down to the very root of it. Even Bob Dylan said she was the greatest writer of our generation in an interview and I almost passed out when I read it. I met her once while we were both at the same burger shop. I had to tell her how much her music changed my life and she asked if I wanted a picture and told me she liked my hair. I couldn’t believe such a compliment because her hair is the most beautiful hair that could ever be on a human head. But I digress. Listen to all of her stuff obviously, but here’s a great song to ease you into her:
The Food Part
I’ve been on a kick of not cooking anything “new” until I’ve cooked everything that’s in my fridge. This has been such a creative challenge and I’m honestly making some of the best dishes I’ve ever made. Plus, it’s better for the environment and your wallet! Because I do cook every day, I will say that I have a lot of good “staples” in my fridge and cabinets. My staples might look different than yours, and that’s OK. This is more an inspo to use up the things in your fridge to make a dish as opposed to going out and buying all new ingredients for a new recipe. This most likely won’t end up being something conventional or traditional, but conventional and traditional dishes started from people throwing the things that were at their disposal together and creating something delicious. So just try it out this week! Here’s what I had and what I made with it:
A small white onion
Parsley
1 singular sausage link
Greek yogurt
Garlic
Gochujang paste
Honey
Lemon
Parmesan Cheese
Panko breadcrumbs
Pasta
I uncased the sausage to make a sort of sausage mince and put a little oil in the pan to caramelize it. Once that was done, I set it to the side, chopped up and onion and some garlic and threw it in the same pan without cleaning it. I then added the Gochujang paste, a little parmesan, the greek yogurt, the juice from the lemon and honey. Once I mixed that well, I added in my sausage again and seasoned it with salt and pepper. I let that simmer and then created the pasta topping Christian and I are currently obsessed with: parmesan breadcrumbs. I just toast some breadcrumbs in olive oil until they are browned and then add some parmesan cheese. And voilà! So delicious. I then put my pasta in the salted, boiling pasta water for half of the time on the packet and the other half of the time in with the sausage mixture with a ladleful of the pasta water. I was doing this as a quick and easy way to get rid of the things in my fridge and it ended up becoming one of the most delicious things I’ve made. If you make something random from all the bits in your fridge this week, please please please share them with me!
The Book Part
Okay lets talk about a stunning, enlightening, melancholic, eye-opening Novella called Open Water by Caleb Azumah Nelson about a boy who falls into the PITS of love and at the same time is trying to navigate the passing of his grandmother as well as the pent up trauma of what it is to be a Black man in Britain.
This book is one that reads like poetry and nostalgia. I almost wanted to sit with it longer than I usually do with books. I think it’s one of the first times I’ve really wanted to go through and annotate a book because the author does such a great job of really collecting and transcribing his thoughts, his feelings, his experiences. It feels super vulnerable all the time because he describes everything in the form of a thought and feeling.
The way he describes London makes me feel like I’m the one walking through those streets falling in love in that city again. I felt it all so much I could almost smell the London air as I was reading. The anxious electricity that city always gave me. The good, the bad, and the ugly of that city. This was just such a beautiful read. Again, I want to go through and highlight and mark it all and almost study it because it feels too beautiful and important and special and momentous to just read it through once as the short story that it is. It’s not even the story that hooked me, it was the fact that someone was able to describe the human experience in such a succinct way. I think it’s so important to listen to these thoughts and hear these stories with an open mind so we can become more aware of them. So that we can become sensitive to the things we do not know and won’t ever know. Because not every human can know every human experience. But I do feel like having empathy and being kind and being understanding to other people is a way to help change the course of everything. If everyone did that the world would be different. I will say that my one criticism is that sometimes it gets a little too poetic and frilly for me and I found myself kind of daydreaming as I was reading, but on the other hand, I think it was also because it was so descriptive and nailed down bits of the human experience and settings so well, it would take me right back to memories I have and maybe that’s why I would get a little distracted while reading. Because you can’t help but read this book and feel everything as though it’s happening directly to you.
Here was one of my favorite quotes:
“One remembers that which came before, often with a fond sadness, a want to return, despite knowing to return to a memory is to morph it, to warp it. Every time you remember something, the memory weakens, as you’re remembering the last recollection, rather than the memory itself. Still, it does not stop you wanting, does not stop you longing.”
Please read this if you love beautiful, heartbreaking things.
The Following Part
How lucky are we that we live in a day and age where top chefs post incredible, step-by-step recipes in 3 minute long videos on TikTok? I just feel like this is such a time to be alive where we’re learning about different foods that we’ve never heard of, trying new things, learning new skills, shopping at different grocery stores, etc. All thanks to social media. Sure, cook books and cooking shows have always been around. But there’s something so accessible to short, well explained videos that show you what people are making and how they’re making it without the fear of ratings or what the audience wants to see on a Sunday Morning as they make pies and casseroles for their families. I’m obviously not very well-versed in what used to be on cable cooking shows, but this is what I imagine. One girl that I absolutely LOVE for her recipes, personality, and talent is Cassie. Her recipes are SO good and she teaches me about traditional Asian ingredients that I otherwise wouldn’t know about and how to use them. I mean soy sauce marinated eggs? YES.
The TV Part
Okay so I already went on about the leftovers in my fridge and thrifting second-hand clothes, but I think this concept comes into play with my TV shows as well. Because when something makes me feel a certain way, you better believe I’m going to turn that back on. Fleabag is this for me. I always go back to this show. I love it so so much. I think my mom was the one to originally recommend it to me. I was living in London when I watched it for the first time, so it felt all the more relatable and I just think season 2 is one of the most innovative, creative things in television history. I mean a hyper-sexual, atheist woman falling in love with a hot, delightful priest?! Love. My favorite kind of show is one that makes you feel like a fly on the wall so much so that you almost feel embarrassed or that you’re invading someone’s privacy by watching. It’s very hectic and British humor heavy, but I honestly think we can all relate to Fleabag. I think characters like these ones of women who don’t have it all figured out by the time they’re out of college and are human beings who struggle with real human beings things like fighting between being independent and not being lonely aren’t just important, they’re vital. I’m not even sad there are only 2 seasons. Phoebe Waller-Bridge knows how to land all her jokes and knows how to end her incredible show. Watch this if you haven’t. And if you have, watch it again.
The Movie Part
OOF the movie I have for you this week is a GOOD ONE. Before I say anything, I do just want to say: what was in the water at the Fonda household? Because they’re just an incredible little group now aren’t they? Anyways - I watched 12 Angry Men by Sidney Lumet this week and it was insanely good. If you love anything about crime, mystery, or court cases - I think you’ll really like this. The gist of it is that 12 jurors are brought into the jury deliberation room to consider whether or not the 18-year-old suspect is guilty for the murder of his father. If the verdict is guilty, he gets the electric chair (this movie was from the 1950s). 11 of the jurors decide that the suspect is, in fact, guilty and (the angel) juror #8 who is played by Henry Fonda (more importantly Jane Fonda’s father), decides that he is not guilty. He claims that he is not certain, but uncertainty is a big thing to send someone to the chair for. The remainder of the film is the jurors going through the case and you get all sorts of views into the individual juror’s lives, prejudices, personal circumstances, philosophies, etc. The acting is incredible and the script is even better. It really makes you wonder about how thoughtful our jury of peers are. We need a Henry Fonda on every one in my opinion. This movie is from the ‘50s and it is only a room of white angry men. I looked into this, and the word “peers” in 1950s America apparently meant not women and not anyone of color. I looked into this a little more and found a published article from the ‘70s that stated, “After a century of struggle to gain the right to serve on juries, females are still viewed, both in the literature and lawyers’ folklore, as being submissive, emotional, dependent, and envious.” I think this film with a room full of absolute fools (besides the mustached man and, of course, Henry Fonda) proves that it’s not just females…
I feel like I would be doing you all a disservice if I didn’t include my favorite Letterboxd review I saw under this film for you guys here:
You guys should definitely watch this. Maybe not on a turbulent plane though because it deserves 5 stars.
The Product Part
One thing about me? I am a makeup girlie through and through. I’ve always loved being onstage whether it was for acting, singing, or dancing, so I’ve always worn makeup in some way or another from a young age. I don’t just wear it when performing though, I’m also the type that will meet up with a friend for coffee in a full beat. I wore falsies the entire first lockdown (in which I spent half of completely on my own). Makeup is so fun for me. I feel good in it, I wear it as an accessory, and I just feel like a boss lady whenever I slap it on. One thing that I’ve been obsessed with lately? The Makeup By Mario Foundation. I get complimented on my skin every time I wear it. I was so excited to go into the Sephora when I went to visit my family in the States this summer because it has all the brands I usually see all over TikTok (Including Makeup by Mario in which my Italian Sephora does not carry). I’d been looking to change out my foundation and this one gives the effect of glass skin. I’m in love. I would try it if you like your skin to still look like skin but just dewy, glowy, plump and healthy as well. UGH. A golden product.
The Podcast Part
One of my goals for 2023 was to walk 10,000 steps a day 5 days a week. More or less, this is 200,000 steps a month. I’m so proud to say that I’ve achieved it all 9 months so far and it’s now become part of my daily habits. Just like I get hangry, I get cranky if I haven’t had my walk or gotten fresh air. 10,000 steps usually takes me around 1.5 hours, so I have a system in place that keeps me entertained when I don’t want to use the time to just sit with my thoughts or think too much. I listen to a podcast, I listen to an audio book, and I listen to my long-distance friend Corina’s voice notes (12 minutes on average. But has been known to send 20 minute long ones. Usually sends 3-4 in a row).
I do a lot of research for the podcasts before-hand because there’s nothing worse than being stuck listening to a boring podcast when you don’t have time to look up another one to listen to. This week, I struck gold. Literally I’m 3 episodes in and it has become one of my new favorite podcasts that I will listen to EVERY walk. It scratches every itch in my brain and is so funny, entertaining and right up my alley content-wise. It’s called We Couldn’t Help But Wonder - A Journey Through Sex and the City and it’s hosted by 2 New York City locals as they go through the entire series episode by episode. Now, you guys KNOW I love Sex and the City so this is my cup of tea. I had been looking for something like this for a while, but it was always hosted by the wrong people (sorry other hosts). The hosts are Elise Castle, a comedian who resides in Queens who’d never seen the show. The other host is Mike Jensen, a singer/songwriter in New York who has seen the show all the way through at least 6 or 7 times. Each episode is them going through the series episode by episode and giving their thoughts about it. It’s funny. It is so entertaining to listen to. And it’s actually very thoughtful. If you’re like me and have rewatched the show many times, this is a fun new take on one of my favorite shows ever.
Root for yourself this week and do something for yourself that makes you happy. Remember that sometimes making decisions leads to compromising other parts of your life, but that as long as you’re staying true to yourself, you’ll get through it.
I promise, doing little things little by little makes life that much more full of wonder.
Have a great week!
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